last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
