So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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