I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
