Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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