if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
