i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
