so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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