So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
