Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
