Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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