i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
