I like my sex mixed with concussions.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
