I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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