Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
