Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My penis needs a shock collar
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
