her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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