hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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