I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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