if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
