one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
