I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
