Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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