I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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