Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
