So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That accounts for only three of the penises
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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