I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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