From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
