Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
