I accidentally burped into my bong.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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