It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
