I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
