Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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