I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
