I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
