Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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