My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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