I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
