Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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