Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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