I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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