we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
