The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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