My liver just broke up with me...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
