have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
sarcasm needs its own font
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
