she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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