everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
