Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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