We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
