grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
