I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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