ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
