Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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