Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
not ubering you a puppy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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