i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
