dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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