This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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