she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
