I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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