Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
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We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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