I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
