I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
