I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
