the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
