I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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