Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
