Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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