I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
