mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
