Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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